Empty Rendezvous
by Adam Epp
Summary: After keeping things within sanity's boundary for two years, Rukia and Ichigo's relationship will never be dull again after a certain, monstrous alter ego is awakened and enters the equation! Safety not guaranteed.


**Note: **My take on a challenge presented to Laurie Bunter by quietcorvin, about a lighthearted Hichigo x Rukia story. Read Laurie's story, "Second Honeymoon" to see how she did it. And don't just stop there; she's written more than that one.You can find her profile on my Favorite Author's list, so there's no reason to skip them.

This story is rated "M" for mature subject matter. Reader discretion is advised. Cover your virgin eyes, young ones. This is not a joke. Seriously. Don't say I didn't warn you.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Bleach_.

---

_"We are aware only of the empty space in the forest, which only yesterday was filled with trees."_

_- Anna Freud_

---

At an ordinary cafe, four women talked about sex. Okay, this cafe was far away removed from the type of hangout you could find at any ol' corner; _The Broken Reiatsu_ was a popular gathering spot for _Shinigami_, the Grim Reapers of our world, and was located in Soul Society. Specifically, young and old Death Goddesses frequented the diner and discussed harvesting souls, Soul Society politics, and orgasms--both real and fake. You know, typical women talk...uh, except for the reaping of lives. Fine, only the sex talk was normal!

Who were those four mentioned earlier? Well, one had dark, brownish skin with a body that would make any male beast roar in approval; her name was Yoruichi, and she her almost-feline personality served only to enhance her natural beauty. Next to her was a blonde bombshell, known as Matsumoto, with boobs so big they acted as cushions when she leaned closer to the table. Her cheerful bantering made many of the other customers wonder if she was slipping shots of vodka into her coffee. She was, but that's beside the point. On the other side of Yoruichi sat a serene, older woman with perfectly-parted, long, black hair who did not appear to belong in the group, so regal was the way she held herself. However, don't be fooled! In reality, the motherly Unohana had the nastiest sexual interests of them all.

Lastly, the smallest girl in the flock peered at the rest from a corner of the table, isolated from the rest, as if hiding. Least experienced in the adult world of copulation and nearly a prude at times, Rukia Kuchiki still flushed red after hearing some of her companions' more...audacious tales.

One of which was reaching a conclusion.

"...And that's why I'm never letting him do _that_ again!" Yoruichi finished a long tirade to much laughter, her very own chortles drowning out the rest.

Other than Yoruichi herself, Matsumoto laughed hardest. "Oh...I can't b-believe...you let him try...using it in the f-first place!" snorted the well-endowed woman, beating her fist wildly against the table between chugs of alcohol-laced coffee.

"...Did it hurt at all?" A wide-eyed--and curious, though she would never admit it--Rukia had to ask. It sounded quite painful to her.

Snickers from Yoruichi and nudges from Matsumoto's elbow answered her. Then, a stone-faced Unohana solemnly raised her hand to signal she was about to speak; the rowdy two shut up in deference to their unofficial leader. Respect, that's what Unohana had.

"Just one may be painful back there if a woman is not used to it, my dear," the oldest of the bunch politely lectured, sounding very experienced in the matter. Placidly, Unohana took a sip of her tea before continuing. "Yet, do it often enough, and with enough lubrication, you should actually be able to handle two at once without feeling anything too unpleasant."

Dead silence. A shame, really, since Rukia never really learned whether or not Yoruichi found it painful.

Her job finished, Unohana enjoyed another leisurely sip of her tea. Delicious.

"So, Rukia," Yoruichi hurriedly changed the topic away from the sexual deviant next to her, "have you done anything naughty with Ichigo lately?"

For the past two years, Ichigo had been Rukia's uglier half and her partner in bed. The only one the small woman had ever had, too, and that was probably destined to remain so. Surely, such love must mean lots of wild and hot nastiness in the sack, right?

Back to Rukia, she blushed. "Well...we made love in the shower this morning."

None of her friends were impressed. Sex in the shower was too clean, too dull, and something Rukia's friends had already done themselves too often for it to catch their fancy.

"...And?" Matsumoto spurred her on after it was clear she wouldn't go on.

"That's it," replied Rukia. What more should she say? In her opinion, the quickie had been quite the adventure, though not exactly original in any way.

"Boring!" Yoruichi denounced the story, and Unohana had to sadly nod her head in agreement with her feisty friends' analysis.

"What's boring about that?! Ichigo was great! It was great!"

"Where to start...? First of all, you've already done this before so there's nothing new. Second, nobody you know walked in--that's always real fucking embarrassing! Third...uh, it simply is boring!"

"Yeah!" slurred Matsumoto (the booze had taken its toll on her), pulling Rukia into a headlock. Oh, what any hotblooded man would have given to be trapped between Matsumoto's arm and her boob like Rukia was, that lucky girl!

"It...It's not that bad!" argued Rukia, red from both discomposure and anger.

"Sorry, dear, but it is," Unohana put the young one in her place, lest she become delusional. Pensively, she considered what to do about Rukia. Aha! "Why don't you think about things and try something new before the next time we get together, sweetie? Think of it as a challenge."

Ooh, Yoruichi and Matsumoto liked the sound of this and howled with glee. Three against one. Unohana, Yoruichi, and Matsumoto win, Rukia loses. Yet, it was for Rukia's own good...and the older ladies' amusement. Err, just forget about that last point.

Rukia began to protest. "B-but--"

However, a death glare from Unohana paralyzed her into submission.

"...I'll see what I can manage," Rukia conceded.

"Yay!" Matsumto clapped her hands in joy, quite inebriated. Aren't there laws against public displays of drunkenness?

And her complete lack of sobriety could mean only one thing: it was time for a certain drunk to share her stories.

"So, Matsumoto, could you please inform us of what you have done this past week?" cordially asked Unohana.

The woman in question quickly put on a serious face--which did not appear so in the slightest. "Oh, oh!" she exclaimed and bounced around in her chair, her assets jiggling like mad. The sombre expression had already vanished. "This past week, I was on top of Kira, and suddenly I had to pee...so I was all like, 'I gotta go to the bathroom,' and so he was like, 'Just hurry up and go, then!' And so then I just...!"

The enthusiastic boozer continued to drone on, but Rukia was not listening. _What can I do with Ichigo that's interesting? _She recalled all the crazy yarns her friends have spun, but she couldn't even imagine attempting half of them. _Could I lie to them? _A different approach, then. _No_, Rukia rejected it immediately. _They'd be able to tell. What about..._

Rukia continued to deliberate beneath Unohana's watchful eyes while Yoruichi became absorbed in Matsumoto's tale of depravity.

"...It was so fucking messy! And then Hitsugaya showed up and...!"

---

Bending over at a convenience store, a scantily-clad lady reached down for, uh, something on a lower shelf. All of her fantastic curves were on full display, back to front, top to bottom, ass to breast. Little did she know what a certain pervert was thinking about her.

_Fuck, look at the rack that slut is stacking!_ A disembodied voice commented to the only man who could hear him, a person meters away from the scantily-clad lady. _Could you imagine how those would feel if she got between our legs, King? Damn. And you can bet those big, juicy, red lips aren't just for show, either!_

"Keep quiet!" seethed the man through clenched teeth.

"What was that?" squawked the lady under the mysterious pervert's inspection, glancing up to see who spoke.

"Nothing!" disclaimed the man, already walking away in quick strides.

_Too bad she's no siren, _remarked the voice once more. _But that's nothing stuffing her mouth with your dick wouldn't fix. Eh, King?! _Nasty chuckles emphasized the voice's point.

"I said, keep it down!"

The man hurried to pay for his few items, intent on ignoring the stares people gave him.

Yes, even the easiest tasks had become a chore for Ichigo Kurosaski since he accepted the Hollow inside him. You see, he didn't have a choice; allowing the inner demon to surface was the only way to utilize his powers to their full extent.

If only Ichigo didn't have to deal with its incessant perversion. The days Ichigo could peacefully look at a train going into a tunnel were long gone. Quite sad, that.

Outside the normal convenience store in Karakura, the whistles continued in Ichigo's skull.

_Whoa, did you just see that ass?! _The hollow took exception to a lady in a skirt showcasing a round, firm rump walking on the other side of the street. _It looks tight enough to press a pretty penny inside those buns! And if it could do that, just think about how it feel to stick your--_

"Shut up!" snapped Ichigo.

_Easy there, big guy,_ teased the spirit. _Remember, I am you, and you are me. I'm just voicing the thoughts you don't have the guts to. So the only one you should get pissed at is yourself._

Naturally, Ichigo knew this. Not that he ever liked to be reminded of it. Or believe it, for the matter.

_Got nothing to say to that, do ya? _Laughter reverberated through Ichigo's skull, taunting him. _Face it, King, it's only a matter of time before you fuck a girl that isn't _her.

"That's not true!" denied Ichigo. On this matter, he was always steadfast. There was only one girl Ichigo Kurosaki fucked and that was that. "You know it, too. Your taunting will never change me, you bastard."

This time, the hollow was the slow one to respond. As if he was stewing over something. _Then let me take over! _he pleaded, as he often did. _If you don't have the will, _I _do! Come on, we'll both enjoy it!_

"No. For the last time, no!" shouted Ichigo, startling children who happened to be nearby that moment. A passing ghost decided to hover above someone less scary.

_Suit yourself. You're the boss, _the hollow temporarily let the issue slide, though not without pestering Ichigo once more. _But you won't be able to keep me out of the sack forever. I'll get my turn one day, and that's no prophecy! It's destiny!_

Frustrated, Ichigo shook his head at the persistent hassle. Then, a woman with long, bare legs sauntered by and a new round of internal drooling began. Worst of all, all the dirty talk was having an undesired and...uplifting effect on Ichigo.

He couldn't get home to Rukia soon enough.

---

Anxiously, Rukia waited for Ichigo to arrive.

Pacing around his prosaic flat, Rukia had long since given up brainstorming kinky ideas. That's why she needed Ichigo. Two heads work better than one, after all, and this couple was a great team. They could not lose. What was a simple domestic problem next to fighting supervillains? Nothing!

Still, what was taking him so long?

"Come on, Ichigo, hurry up!" Rukia grumbled, bored out of her skull.

It would help a lot if his small place wasn't so barren. Not one to bother with excess, Ichigo filled his simple apartment room with a whole lot of nothing. Sure, he had a couch, a TV, a bed, a bookshelf, a dining room table and a few chairs, but that was about it. No posters, no bunnies or anything cute. Only the bare necessities...for a house in the human world, that is; Rukia wasn't sure why living beings did not consider supernatural ping pong tables as necessary. To be honest, Rukia would have liked it if the flat wasn't so neat; she would be able to clean the place up _and_ complain to Ichigo about the mess if he lived more like a regular man. Keeping yourself occupied in his home when alone was a task for the insane.

At last, Rukia heard distant footsteps from the misanthropic gait unique to Ichigo, and a door opened.

Welcome home, Ichigo. Your girlfriend has something important to discuss with you.

"Finally, what took you--"

Be that as it may, Ichigo was in no mood for talking and stalked across the room without bothering to take his shoes off, right to Rukia, and pulled her into a deep kiss. Hence her sentence being interrupted.

Yet, it was a short-lived kiss since Rukia soon pushed him away. As mentioned earlier, she wanted to hold a discourse of the utmost significance. So: talking first, fucking later.

Oh, but Ichigo needed to temper some blue balls red and immediately dove for another lip-smacker after being rejected. Again, he received a curt nudge away.

"What's gotten into you, Ichigo?" Rukia demanded to know, still shaking off her lover's advances. "You're not usually so wild..."

She paused. _On second thought, maybe Ichigo acting like this is precisely what's needed to get him to help me think of something nasty we can do! _Brilliant deduction, madam!

The advances stopped. "It's that bastard again," explained Ichigo, grimacing.

Rukia understood. Him. _That damn hollow! It's making it even more difficult for me to bring up this sex dilemma!_ Wait a second...Wasn't that hollow a complete and hopeless pervert? _Jackpot! _Indeed.

"Hey, Ichigo." And the change in Rukia's mood was instantaneous, the switch faster than the speed of light. Did she have Premenstrual Syndrome that moment? Yes, but that's not why her mood changed. Rather, Rukia wanted something.

And Ichigo knew she only used this tone when she wanted something. "What?" He braced himself, expecting the worst.

"Can you get your hollow think of some bizarre sex act for us to do?" Rukia delivered the question in a sweet, sugar-coated tone akin to a child asking for candy. Except the candy she wanted was a dirty meatstick with lots of slimy mustard on it instead of any innocent lollipop.

Okay, perhaps Ichigo had _not _prepared himself for the worst.

Right after he heard the question, he keeled over, his hands clutching his head. Eyes open as far as they could, teeth grinding louder than a drill, and knees buckling, Ichigo appeared to be in immense agony. Distraught, Rukia rushed over to check and see if he was all right.

Her boyfriend put a hand out, indicating he didn't need any support. He was a man, after all. "I'm...all...right..." he grunted, breath uneven. He shook himself. "Just...never ask...me...to think of perverted things...again. The ho--_he_ went...mental after you did that."

All that pain just because some pervert voiced some dirty thoughts in his mind? Wasn't he supposed to be a man?

"So you're fine?" Rukia checked to make sure.

And Ichigo was on his feet once more. "Yeah."

"Good," replied Rukia. He was ready, in that case. "Now tell me some of those ideas your other half gave you."

"What?" splattered Ichigo, spittle flying out of his mouth. "No way! They were totally sick! Just remembering them almost makes me vomit!"

"Just one!" begged Rukia.

"Fuck no!"

_What the hell? I don't get to hear even one?! _Rukia was pissed. It's no good if Ichigo's sacrifice wouldn't even serve her...their cause. _You're way too overprotective, Ichigo. Sweet though it is, this can sure get in the way of my life! Oh, if only you weren't you, sometimes..._A light bulb flickered in Rukia's imagination..._Weren't you..._No, this was madness..._Not you..._Yes, _because_ it was madness..._Not you_...Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner_...That's it! Just make him not "him!" _Utter genius, Rukia, to say the least.

"Ichigo." That tone returned.

But Ichigo was still caught up in the earlier clash of opinions to notice this time. "I'm not telling them to you! Stop asking! There's no--"

"I don't want you to anymore," interrupted Rukia before Ichigo ended up buying a new home security system.

Dumbfounded, Ichigo paused at this development.

"...You don't?" he asked, a dash of hope present in his voice.

"No."

_I don't need those ideas anymore,_ Rukia thought. _I came up a better idea on my own!_

Ichigo sighed in relief. "Oh, thank God you've seen rea--"

"Instead, I want to fuck you while the hollow is in control," Rukia stopped him once more.

The possibilities of hollow-on-woman action electrified Rukia now. _Yeah, even Unohana hasn't done it with a fucking hollow! This'll show 'em!_...Um, actually, it seems showing up her friends was what sent the tingle of excitement through Rukia. Did she even think of what could happen if she did the nasty with the Masky?

Meanwhile, the reaction Ichigo had to this sentence made the previous convulsion look like a mild winter's shiver. He fell to the floor, kicking and screaming. In desperation, he started to loudly bang the floor with his fists and his head; anything to stop the noise in his head.

Horrified, Rukia looked on. It appeared a bit dangerous to get near Ichigo this time.

"...Shut up...Shut up," Ichigo started a chant weakily, still pounding the floor. Gradually, his words gained strength. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" he bellowed.

Amazingly, it seemed to work. After the last scream, his body stilled and Ichigo returned to normal...Well, as normal as a teenage Death Reaper gets.

Good enough for Rukia.

"...So, will you do it?" she gingerly reopened his wound and dumped a big load of salt on it.

Another spasm went through Ichigo, but he cleared his head with a quick shake this time.

A second to gather his breath. "You've gotta be crazy!" he hollered. Could this woman be for real? "You have to be out of your mind if you believe for a single second I'll agree to this!"

His words were big, but Rukia did not panick. "You will. Or else," she threatened, menacingly pointing a finger at him

"Or else what?" rebuked Ichigo, feeling cocky. "You won't sleep with me?" He laughed at this. "That would work in my favor, in case you didn't realize."

The edges of Rukia's mouth lifted into a grin that would make the devil piss himself. "Or else I'll tell everyone I know about your little habit of--"

"All right! All right!" Eyes widening in fear, Ichigo hurriedly admitted defeat. Anything but that! He would never hear the end of it if _that_ reached Ishida's ears. His shoulders slumped and, with hesitation, he agreed to her request. "...You can...do it with...the bastard..." Ichigo couldn't believe he was agreeing to this lunacy.

"Yippee!" she squealed in delight and hugged Ichigo.

Those amethyst eyes filled with joy turned Ichigo's guts inside-out. Yeah, Ichigo feared she would never look happy again if the couple went through with this.

She had to be stopped!

But how? At this point, Ichigo knew better than to believe he could persuade Rukia to see reason. There had to be something...some way of putting things in a new perspective to her. Geez, how was it possible for him to convince her not to fuck a monster?!

...Right. That's rather self-explanatory.

And Ichigo now understood what to do.

Confident in his new approach, Ichigo put his hands on Rukia's shoulders and gravely addressed those heart-wrenching eyes. "Yeah, you can do it with..._him_," He shook his head at the notion in disapproval, a light smile breaking through his stony expression. "But do you really think you're ready?"

"...Huh?" Rukia's celebration party was put on hold.

"Didn't you know?" her partner continued, tilting his head to the side and gesturing like a professor. "My cock gets three times as big after the transformation. Can you handle that?"

_What the fuck?!_ Rukia nearly gasped. _Is he serious?! _Like, Ichigo was already gifted with a large _Zanpakutou_ in his nether-region._ Any bigger and he'll quarter me!_

No way she could give in, though. "O-Of course!" she bluffed.

"Not only that, when I lose myself to the hollow, I become far more aggressive," lectured Ichigo. Heh, this was working. "So who knows _where_ I'll even end up fucking you? Surely, though, that'll be no problem for you."

"...S-Surely not..."

"Let's meet up at the hotel later," proposed Ichigo. This would give her some time to reconsider and make the right decision. "I'll book a reservation...Say, for seven? If you don't want to go through with doing the hollow, I'll understand. And we'd still be able to use the reservation, so no worries!" he added, his smile full of teeth.

Not giving his woman time to reply, Ichigo quickly pulled out a hell butterfly and left this dimension for Soul Society. Hmph, he'd barely graced the place with his presence. Well, he's out of the way now.

Dazed and reeling from the shocking reality of courting demons, a frightened Rukia was left in his wake. That's right...Rukia and Ichigo never did those disgusting and crazy things Yoruichi and Urahara did because they were so disgusting and crazy. Why did Rukia forget something so important?!

However, there was one thing scaring her more than anything.

_...Three times bigger..._

---

On the other side of the universe, near the gates of Rukongai, Ichigo was walking on sunshine.

_You lying shit! I don't get three times bigger than you are--much as I now wish I did! _Snarled a low voice in Ichigo's head, which made him laugh in response.

"Yeah, and Rukia won't want to sleep with you now, you dumb bastard," snickered Ichigo.

_Oh. She will, King, she will,_ promised the hollow. The air was heavy with foreshadowing. _You're still making the biggest mistake of your life!_

Heh, as if.

Ichigo just had to shake his head at this. "What's a matter? Being a sore loser?"

_In case you forgot, our dicks are still the same size, dipshit, no matter how much you lie to her. Once your woman realizes this, she'll be all over me...Rather, _I _will be the one on top! The way it should be!_

Damn, that hollow had a point but..."She won't get the chance to figure it out," Ichigo confidently asserted.

Now it was the hollow's turn to laugh. _Don't you know your own bitch? That woman fights monsters like us on a regular basis. You underestimate her, King._

"...Shut up!"

_Oh, you know I'm right, don't you? _Whispered the dark conscience. _Face it, pal. After your whore has had a taste of what I can do, she'll never want to fuck you again. Once a girl's had hollow, anything else will feel hollow._

"How can you even be sure you're so good in the sack, anyways? Last time I've checked, you've never slept with anyone!"

_I _am _you. I have all your experience---and more...and none of your inhibitions. I represent all that you can be, King, and all that you cannot be. Plus, unlike you, I understand women; they want men to take them by the wrists and order them around...Things a nice fool like you could never do._

"You actually believe that bullshit?" snorted Ichigo. It made him sick to remember this hollow was seriously a part of him. "Not that any of this matters! You'll not get a chance with Rukia, like I said before."

_And you're going to break your promise? _taunted the hollow. _That'll be a first._

All right, Ichigo had enough. "Just shut the hell up! I need to get the hotel room booked...for _me_ and Rukia."

_Whatever you say..._

Light chuckling mocked Ichigo as he stepped into Rukongai.

---

To be sure, Kisuke Urahara loved inventing all kinds of things. He was no longer certain what started this love of creation, but it was now a part of himself he could not ignore. Nor was Urahara sure why he made the damn junk. Was it some type of fatherly pride? Did he enjoy knowing that his contraptions would benefit the next generation? The fame that came along with being a genius? The infamy? Probably all of the above, really.

When he was occupied with the process of creation, though, all these bothersome semantics flew out the window. Only focusing on the craft, the trial and error involved with honing his technique to perfection mattered.

It was just him and his imagination, all alone.

So, as always, he was momentarily annoyed when another customer entered his shop and interrupted his solitude with his ideas. Yet, as always, any displeasure he may have shown was quickly plastered over by a false grin long before the customer saw him.

Then, the fake smile disappeared when he realized who the customer was: Rukia Kuchiki. Ah, now there was one customer foolish enough to buy whatever junk he pushed on her. A salesman's dream, that one. A real grin, brought on by greed, appeared on his face.

But why did she look so jittered, as if someone she knew just died? No one important in Soul Society died recently...right? Of course not. His sources were too good for something that big to escape his notice.

Time to greet her.

"Oh, Rukia! What can I do for you today?"

Lost in her thoughts, Rukia jumped. Definitely not like her. "I-I'm looking for something..." Unbelievably, the young woman went red. Totally unlike her.

This should be fun.

"Yes?" Urahara asked, drawing out the syllable as far as he could.

If it was even possible for the _Shinigami _eye to spot the difference, Rukia's face became a darker shade of crimson. Much fun, indeed.

"For a...a..." stammered Rukia, quite uncharacteristically of herself. It can be tough not to openly laugh at times.

"For a...?"

"...Some of your...'adult' products," answered Rukia, flushed.

Urahara's mask of ignorance nearly slipped off, but he managed to keep it on. "Ah, but our 'Engorged _Zanpakatou_' line is quite large." Could he pull this off? Also, how did he say that last sentence with a straight face?! "You'll have to be more specific than that."

Ha ha ha, Rukia's shoulders sagged to the floor. He couldn't get enough of these games.

"I need some..." began Rukia, and she whispered the rest in Urahara's ears.

What a positively naughty girl!

"Oh my," gasped Urahara, exaggerating his surprise to great effect on Rukia.

"S-So what?!" She got defensive, still red. "What I d-do with Ichigo and his hollow is none of your business!"

My, blurting tidbits like that is what makes toying with people like her worth it at the end of they day. Judging by the way she suddenly covered her mouth, Rukia must have just realized how badly she screwed up.

Got to attack her when she's down. Yes, that wasn't fair, but Urahara didn't care.

"...His hollow?"

"I didn't say anything about it!" contradicted Rukia, now playing the ignorant game.

Tipping his head down to make the shadows under his eyes even darker, Urahara gazed down at her in disapproval. Words did not need to be spoken to break her down.

However, Rukia would not be so easily cowed today. "Geez, this is why Yoruichi is always saying such negative things about you!"

Say what? His perfect Kitty Witty would do no such thing!

Urahara's facade disintegrated bit by bit. "Now, Rukia, I'm sure she keeps such matters to herself." Yoruichi did not, in fact. Ever. Never had, either. She had a mouth bigger than Matsumoto's voluminous chest. "Anyways...what sort of things does she say?"

Curiosity got the best of him. Honestly, both he and Yoruichi were identical this way.

"I'd be ashamed to repeat them!" retorted Rukia, truthfully.

That bad, huh?

"...How about just a hint?" offered Urahara. Blab nasty tidbits about him, would Yoruichi?! That bitch!

"No!" declined Rukia. "Just get the things I asked for!"

"I'll give you a discount if you tell me some of her gossip!"

Rukia reconsidered. "... How much?"

"Ten percent off for one breach of confidence."

"Twenty," bartered Rukia.

Thief! "That's too much. The items you ordered are rather expensive..."

"Twenty."

"Fine, fine!" Urahara sealed the deal. What a penny pincher.

"Great," Rukia beamed, all smiles. Nothing like a nice discount to make a girl forget her troubles.

"But it better be one of the worst...rumors she's spread," warned Urahara. Actually, they were all really bad so it didn't matter which Rukia chose.

"Of course. It still disgusts me to think about it, but I remember Yoruichi telling me of this one time when you..."

True to her word, Rukia chose a tale that was a nasty among the nasties. One Urahara was rather proud to be a starring character in, and remembering the event made him grin; it involved one of his better "inventions."

Yes, Kisuke Urahara loved to invent things. Why did he love it? Nobody knows. More importantly, why didn't he conceive a device to read people's minds yet?! This damn woman was going to wipe him clean by the time he ferreted out all of Yoruichi's gossip from her!

Back to the drawing board...

---

_Necrophilia Paradise _was by far the most successful love hotel in Soul Society. Located in the red district of Rukongai, it offered a range of rooms for all social classes and all fetishes. Innovators to a fault, their motto, "Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can't be alive," currently found itself on many a Plus's T-shirt--those shirts being one of the few "innocent" items sold at the hotel's gift shop. The building itself, a simple, traditional hovel you could find anywhere in Rukongai, was a reality distortion; a twist in time and space formed by cracks in the boundary dividing Soul Society from the Earth. Such dimensional fluctuations could easily be manipulated in the right hands, and the owners of _Necrophilia Paradise _had those hands. Hence the "little" Japanese shack's interior being able to rival the size of Central 46, despite appearances to the contrary.

It was outside this hotel that Ichigo, in his _Shinigami _clothes, stood underneath a full moon. Rukia was late. Quite late. Make that very late. What the hell could she be doing?

Nary a soul clustered the alleys and roads of Rukongai at this late hour, and Ichigo's only company was the odd patrol passing by him with the occasional Death Reaper nodding at him. Still no Rukia.

_Come on, all ready! _Growled an impatient voice. _I've waited years for this moment. Let me get fucking laid already!_

Having been harassed by this disembodied spirit all day, Ichigo merely ignored it this time.

_That neck is ripe for my mouth...those small hands are just the right size...those tits are just dying to be squeezed...those thighs need to be covered in her juices..._Yeah, if the hollow had a mouth then, it would have been flooding Soul Society in saliva. _And then there's the greatest prize of all to be _fucked--

"Shut up!" Ichigo could take no more of this, much to his other half's mirth. "And I thought you didn't even like Rukia. Why are you so excited about this?!"

_Beggars, unlike kings, can't be choosers, _replied the dark personality. _I'll fill any c--_

"Who doesn't like me?!"

Rukia. Finally.

"Nobody," sidestepped Ichigo. More importantly..."What took you so long?!"

Then, Ichigo noticed a nondescript bag in her possession. What was that?

Rukia went red from the memory, and the reminder of why she went to Urahara's shop sent a shiver of fear through her. "I was shopping for a few things for...tonight," explained Rukia carefully, clutching her bag tightly.

_What the fuck did she need to buy?_ The hollow growled.

Ichigo didn't care, though. "Whatever. Come on, let's go!"

Impatient, Ichigo grabbed her hand and dragged her into the cheap-looking building. Inside _Necrophilia Paradise_, it was like stepping into another dimension. In fact, that's precisely what Rukia and Ichigo did, but the physics behind them doing so are rather complex. Violently clashing with the sloppy exterior, the interior of the love hotel was the height of opulence. Splendid, numerous, silver, marble pillars in two rows directed customers to the desk in the hotel's expensive-looking and massive lobby. High above, golden chandeliers illuminated the entrance room, while a long, hand-crafted, crimson carpet lined the center of the room.

Rukia and Ichigo ignored this fantastic display, though, and hurried to the front desk. They had been here often enough to know what to expect.

At the front desk, a new clerk confronted them. Dressed up in a dirty, white-collared and long-sleeved shirt, a formal black vest, slacks, and bow tie, this man still exuded slime from every pore on his body. Must have been the dark, slicked hair and his narrow mustache. Or maybe this just came from working in the sex business.

"Hello," he greeted the couple with a nasally and practiced voice. "Welcome to _Necrophilia Paradise! _How can I help you today?"

"We have a reservation for the Eclipse Room," answered Ichigo, fighting back a strong urge to twitch. The hollow was growing more restless every minute.

The clerk put a hand over his mouth in mock surprise. His job wasn't too exciting and he had to see satisfied-looking people all day while he didn't get any ass, so he tortured customers any time he could. "Oh my. The Eclipse Room? You two are very naughty," the annoying clerk hummed sarcastically.

Most of the clerks at _Necrophilia Paradise_ were much nicer than this slimeball, and the grease bucket Ichigo and Rukia had the misfortune of dealing with was soon going to be fired, but neither of the pair knew this. Moving on, what should be noted is how uncomfortable the clerk made Rukia; every speck of grease on the man reminded her that she would be soon fucking a disgusting creature.

"Yes, yes, we are," Ichigo agreed, trying to make this as quick as possible. Or was it the hollow talking? "Our names are Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia Kuchiki, so just do the _reiatsu _identification check and we'll be on our way."

The other man wiped sweat off his brow with a grimy sleeve. "Fine," he grumbled and proceeded with doing his job. Slowly. Very slowly. To waste time, he looked at the reservation list, then the clock. "You two are late," he observed, his eyes narrowing into snake-like slits.

"Somebody had to take her time," Ichigo glanced at Rukia, who was suddenly interested in the wall. "But so what? What's the big deal if we're late?!"

"Oh, nothing," the clerk brushed it aside. Sarcastically, of course. "Nothing at all," he went into a rant. "You can come in whenever you want. That's part of our policy: 'Fuck how you want, when you want.' Have it your way. The customers have lives of their own, so we don't care when you show up. We don't care if you disregard yourselves as decent _Shinigami_ beings and _lie_ about when you're going to show up. So what if you people are total assholes?! Like you say, it's no big fucking deal!"

Throughout this, it took all of Ichigo's humanity to restrain a hollow that wanted nothing more than to slice this snake into a million pieces. Rukia saw his fists clenching, and her fear for what was in store for _her _that night grew further.

"Listen, could you just give us the damn key already?!" burst out Ichigo. Suddenly, his right eye twitched and he quickly put a hand over it. The phase passed in a few seconds, but the receptionist didn't give him time to stay calm.

"Why, certainly," drawled the clerk, taking his time to reach down for it. Apparently, he did not realize the mortal peril he was in. "Since I wouldn't want to_ inconvenience_ anyone by being late...Unlike somebody else I know..."

That was it! Ichigo reached for the man's throat, and only quick action on Rukia's part saved the clerk's life.

"Key, please!" she spat out in a hurry, not being able to hold her partner back for long.

The clerk abruptly became efficient. "Y-Y-Yes, Madam!" he stuttered, now aware of his folly.

A standard key switched hands.

Frustrated, Rukia and Ichigo hurried to an elevator to their right. An angry Rukia punched in the number for their floor.

Once in, she exploded. "Are you insane, Ichigo?! You were going to kill that jerk!"

"It was _him_. Don't you see, Rukia? You can't have sex with that monster. He's crazy!"

Ichigo's words stopped her fury cold, and Rukia's face paled. Nonetheless, she wouldn't give up. Not when she's this close. "I...I still will."

Her boyfriend sighed. It appeared that his plan would not work, and he was very distraught over what his other self might do to Rukia.

A bell rang, signaling the pair's arrival at their floor. The walk to their room was one of strained silence for the two--ignoring the wild moans coming from inside the rooms they passed. Soon enough, Rukia was unlocking the door to the Eclipse Room and they went in.

The Eclipse Room had always been a favorite of Ichigo and Rukia's and they frequently rented it out. Inside, dark, velvet curtains draped the edges of a round chamber that was large...but not too big. It was dark; the only light coming from a dozen or so candles hovering in midair. Aside from a door leading to an elegant bathroom, the only thing else occupying the room was the king-sized bed. Though other suites in the hotel were far more fancy and playful, Rukia and Ichigo liked this simple one the most.

As soon as the door closed shut and the couple stepped in, Ichigo could not hold himself back any longer. Or his hollow couldn't. It's hard to say which one was in control; the edges of Ichigo's pupils were turning black. Whichever personality it was, Rukia suffered the rough groping all the same.

_Oh, fuck yeah! Finally, I get some action! _The hollow roared in approval.

"What was that?" Rukia asked, surprised, amid her struggles to get away from the deranged sex maniac.

Wait, did the hollow just say that out loud? That doesn't matter as he, or Ichigo, tried putting a sloppy kiss on Rukia. She had enough, then, and whacked Ichigo with the mysterious bag. His assault took a brief hiatus. Now, glaring at Rukia was more important.

"Just wait, Ichigo!" Rukia screamed, before soon becoming scared from the dirty eye she got. "I...I need to change first..." Her grip on the bag grew stronger.

Ichigo laughed--the hollow laughed, actually. "Just take your clothes off! Why the hesitation? I'm giving you what you want!"

"No...there's this...there's something I need to do first," stammered Rukia, backing away from a man she didn't know.

"Oh, go ahead! I've waited this long already," the hollow gave in. "You better be quick, though!"

Bowing her head, Rukia dashed off to the bathroom and slammed the door. The sound of a lock being turned could be heard, as well as the rustling of clothing being removed.

These noises served to make the hollow called Ichigo incredibly aroused. Consequently, his physical transformation quickened and Ichigo's muscles pulsed and grew as his body turned into that of a hollow. Horny, his alternate persona tore off his own clothes without any wasted movements. Meanwhile, a familiar mask formed over Ichigo's face. Next, a tail slithered out of Ichigo's backside. Sheer power emanating from him shook the flames of candles overhead.

Luckily, all those candles hid the growing stench wafting out of his demonic form.

The titillation felt by the hollow reached a fever pitch as his metamorphosis neared completion. His manhood stood to attention and was ready to defile Ichigo's loved one. Yeah, he was going to savor every fucking second of that. Ohhh, she needed to hurry the fuck up so he could fuck her! Fuck!

"Woman!" the hollow bellowed with Ichigo's vocal chords. "Come on out, already! You've had your time! Now it's time for my--no, _our_ fun! Let's play!"

Her reply was muffled by the doorway. "O-Okay," she mumbled. "Just a second..."

"_Now!_"

Timidly, the door to the bathroom creaked open. Before Rukia stepped through, the hollow started towards it. Such was his eagerness.

At last, Rukia emerged!

Except, this was not Rukia. No...this was an entirely different woman! Who was this? In her place was a new being of a higher order; a sex demon instead of a death goddess. At the bottom of this magnificent female were leather, high-heeled boots that went right up to her knees. Above the boots, her white, smooth, creamy thighs were left bare; from her shoulders down was a black, leather bustier that accentuated both her cleavage and hips. Continuing with the leather theme, Rukia's balled fists were adorned with black gloves. More than anything else, Rukia wore sheer confidence. Right down to her most frightening feature: a twisted smile.

However, Ichigo's hollow cared for none of this. As soon as he caught sight of Rukia, he pounced...

...Only to find himself suddenly stopped. Huh? He couldn't move! What the fuck just happened?! The hollow looked down and saw his nude body was covered in ropes, his hands bound behind his back.

In Rukia's left hand was a small, unusual device. She had been prepared for the hollow and slapped Urahara's little invention on him quicker than he could molest her. The thing, whatever it was, instantaneously sprouted straps of hemp that now tied up the hollow Ichigo.

To sum it up, the tables had turned.

Only, the hollow hadn't quite realized this yet. "What the hell are you doing, woman?!" he shouted, desperately pushing against the ropes in vain.

Rukia gave him a swift backhand for his efforts.

"Shut up!" ordered Rukia, glaring at her prey.

"No! When I said play, this wasn't what-"

A swift push knocked him over, onto the bed and interrupting him. "Then what did you mean?" glowered Rukia. Then, she burst into a mad fit of laughing before sauntering to the bed. "Isn't this fun?" she whispered, straddling the man and rubbing her hand along the hollow's muscular thigh.

_This bitch is crazy!_ thought the hollow, too scared to voice this aloud. He was mostly right. In reality, the sexy outfit Rukia wore made her crazy. However, it did so by awakening the unconscious impulses in the wearer. How could it do this? Who knows. Not even Urahara was sure and he made the damn thing.

The deranged woman's assault on the hollow continued, regardless.

"Yes," she moaned in passion, that hand mentioned earlier creeping up towards the hollow's member. "What's this?" Rukia gasped in coy surprise when her fingers wrapped around it. "My, my, you've been a..._very_...bad...boy..." With each word, she would emphasize every syllable by tightening her grip further on the hollow's manhood; to the point of it being painful.

After, she used the other hand to reach for the balls.

"That's it!" squealed the hollow, breathing heavily. "I can't take this anymore! I'm outta here!"

Rukia was shocked by this development. "H-Huh?"

And Ichigo's body changed once more to its usual, albeit naked, form. First, the tail receded into his back, then the muscles shrank--though the sheen of sweat remained--and Ichigo's eyes returned to normal...His hard-on didn't change at all. For a second, Rukia and Ichigo just stared at each other.

Then...

"Bring him back!" Rukia demanded. "I wasn't done with him!"

Ichigo's eyes spread open and he could hear the hollow crying in protest at the notion. Was she serious? "How about we just do it like--"

The bonds no longer taut, Ichigo began to sit up...only to be pushed down by an enraged girlfriend. "No! I'm having my way with the hollow and that's that!"

She was serious.

"Come on!" Ichigo argued, sitting up again. "It'd be better if we just--"

He was slammed against the bed once more. Furthermore, Rukia tightened up the ropes so he couldn't move. "Get-him-out!" she growled.

All right. Ichigo didn't really have a problem with his hollow half and Rukia having sex if she was going to be like this. So, he tried coercing the hollow to come out...and he was met by a stone wall. _Fuck no! _the hollow refused. _I'm never going out there again!_

What the fuck?! Wasn't that bastard anxious for any chance for a quick screw?!

"Hurry up, Ichigo!" badgered Rukia, impatient.

"I'm trying, but he's refusing to come out!" Ichigo gave a valid excuse.

Not good enough, though, for somebody beyond sanity. "Then make him!"

"Really, he's not budging an inch!"

"Aren't you the boss of him!" Rukia started whacking Ichigo in spite. "Don't let him gain the upper hand and let me fuck him, already!"

Defenseless, Ichigo had no choice but to take the abuse. "I'm not kidding! If I could have made the fucking hollow come out, I would have by now!"

Rukia growled in vexed frustration. "Oh, to hell with it!" she conceded in anger. "I'll just do it with you, then!"

Sweet joy filled Ichigo.

"Oh, thank god!" he panted in relief. "Okay, could you untie me so that..." Ichigo trailed off when her hand caressed his chest and toyed with his nipples. "H-Hey! What are you doing! Untie me!"

Rukia's other hand was buried between her thighs and moving animately. "Oh, I can't do _that_," she hushed Ichigo. "I still need my story."

What? "Story? What st-" The hand lingering on his chest went south. "No! Rukia, stop!"

---

"...And then I went and had sex with him while he was tied up," concluded Rukia with a happy sigh. Matsumoto and Yoruichi hooted like maniacs and Unohana smiled angelically.

All in all, their plan to get Rukia to do something nuts was completely worth it.

Yoruichi still couldn't get enough of this. "Sex with a hollow?! What the hell were you thinking?! Then fucking Ichigo when he was tied up, even though your initial plan didn't work?!" This was too rich.

The bustiest of the bunch was too drunk and too delirious to say anything cohesive.

Now, the moment of truth. While Rukia was clearly successful in impressing two of her friends, the toughest nut had yet to be cracked. How would Unohana respond?

"Nice work, Rukia dear," complimented Unohana. Yes! Success! Rukia nearly leaped in joy until she noticed the Sex Master still had more to say. "Nice work," her Holy Sexiness repeated, "but what are you going to do next time?"

_...Say again? Next time? Next time?!_

"Personally," Unohana went on, "I recommend trying the same thing...except try having a little bit of fun with hot wax. That would certainly heat matters up. Why, I remember a rather interesting night with Kenpachi, in particular, when I..."

---

_**Seriously, next time?!**_

---

Really, there is no end for those ensnared in the wild circle of sex like Rukia was. The depravity just keeps on building up and, before you know it, somebody's off to prison for illicit conduct with a goat. All you can do is pray that the goat is a pretty goat without any sexual diseases.

By the way, there isn't a next time. This story is done or, at least, Rukia, Ichigo and Hollow Ichigo's part is over. I would like to apologize to anyone offended by my ridiculous portrayal of women in this story. I'm a man and don't really know what they do when men aren't around, but I can always fantasize. For those with a sense of humor, I hope you had fun reading this despite its stupidity.

Later.


End file.
